First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
