I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
