i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
