Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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