capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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