And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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