How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
