I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
