Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
