I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
