He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
