he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
