Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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