apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
