I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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