My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
