your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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