I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
