Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
