I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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