u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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