last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
