HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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