I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
