You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
