I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
a search helicopter?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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