Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
