I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
