i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
