I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
