Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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