I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
