I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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