How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
