I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
