YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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