I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
