weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
