you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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