Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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