But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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