so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
