Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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