so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
