I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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