I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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