I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
