anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
