Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
