Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
