i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
