Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
