I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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