somebody snuck up and got me drunk
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
