apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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