I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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