If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
