I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
