Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There are leaves in my underwear?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
