you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Boobs are out for the taking
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
