im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
