how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
porn star boner night. come get it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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