I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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