Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
