Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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