I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
