And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
