8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
