There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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