dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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