State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
