What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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