I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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