My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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