WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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