After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
