is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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