is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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