I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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