I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
