I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
